Who you really are
by slythadri
Summary: EWE. Pansy Parkinson moved away to start over. Her new life was pretty boring until she joined a dating chatroom called Wizlove.
1. Chapter 1

"_He's right there! Somebody grab him!"_

Pansy Parkinson woke up in a cold sweat. Dammit. Five years. Five years had passed since those despicable words blurted out of her mouth in a moment of panic. And yet, she still had not learned how to live with herself.

She had tried. She tried very hard to leave the past behind, to start over, to raise from the ashes of her shame and become the witch that she could be. A few months after the end of the war the Slytherin princess moved to New York, hoping that a new place, where no one knew her name, would allow for a clean slate. In America, wizarding kind lived among muggles, (though they called them no-maj), and that had turned out to be an interesting and educational experience. It had all worked out well, to a point. Pansy tried not to think too much about the fact that her life in New York, the most exciting city in the world, was at best acceptable and at worst dull.

She got off the bed, grateful that it was Sunday. After pouring some coffee the pretty brunette sat on her favorite armchair, facing the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the park with a muggle laptop on her knees when a ping gave her goosebumps. The message on the screen brought a smile to her face.

_Greeneyedwizard sent you a private message on Wizlove._

Wizlove was the dating chatroom for magical folk that was all the rage in America. A few days ago her online persona, _Poutylipswitch_ had matched with a fella that called himself _Greeneyedwizard._ The chatroom was an ingenious combination of muggle and magical technology that allowed the exchange of messages but blurred out magical school names or workplaces, so the people interacting got to know each other without trying to narrow down who in the small magical community they were talking to. _Greeneyedwizard _and _Poutylipswitch_ had a lot in common, especially their love for old muggle movies. A few nights ago they had stayed online together as they both watched _Casablanca_ on the TV. It had been the most romantic night of Pansy's life. She was falling hard for this wizard and hoped he was falling for her too.

_Greeneyedwizard: Good morning, Pretty Lips_

_Poutylipswitch: It's Miss Pretty Lips to you, Mr. Sexy Eyes. _

_Greeneyedwizard: Alright, Miss Pretty Lips. I like it when you get bossy. _

_Poutylipswitch: I know how you like it, Sexy Eyes,_

_Greeneyedwizard: You sure do. _

_Poutylipswitch: You are not correcting me when I call you Sexy Eyes. Cocky, aren't you?_

_Greeneyedwizard: Perhaps. Or perhaps you are right._

_Poutylipswitch: So what, you do have beautiful eyes? _

_Greeneyedwizard: You were the one to say it. _

_Poutylipswitch: But you didn't correct me._

_Greeneyedwizard: I guess only one way to find out. _

Pansy's heart fluttered like a hummingbird. Greeneyewizard was about to ask her out. On a real-life date.

_Poutylipswitch: what are you saying, Mr. Sexy Eyes?_

_Greeneyedwizard: I'm saying lunch today. Rooftop Lounge on Fifth. There is a corner in the garden where is easy to put a disillusionment wall. We can have a moment of privacy before removing it so the service can reach us. _

Pansy put the laptop down carefully before standing up to do a little happy dance. Then took a deep breath and sat again to type:

_Poutylipswitch: I will see you there at 12:30. _

_Greeneyedwizard: Phew! For a second I thought I lost you. What took you so long to answer?_

_Poutylipswitch: Oh I had to think about it, you know, let you sweat a little._

_Greeneyedwizard: Cunning. I like that. _

_Poutylipswitch: You have no idea. See you in a bit. _

_Greeneyedwizard: Can't wait. _

Pansy turned off the laptop and gave a squeal, then bounced her way to get ready for the date. When she was finishing applying lipstick a thought crossed her mind. What if she didn't like him? What if he was an old man? The chat room assured the users that the matches were based on the preferences that every witch and wizard filled up on the intake questionnaire, but the actual information was not shared with them. She sighed. The idea was to like the person for who they really were. She liked Greeneyedwizard. He was kind, funny and flirty, and that was more than enough.

Pansy got to the Rooftop Lounge and immediately saw the disillusionment wall on the backside of the garden. She took a deep breath and quickly crossed it before any muggles would notice her disappearance. There he was, looking over the balcony, his back to her. Not too tall but not short, with raven color hair, broad shoulders and a very nice butt. As he slowly turned around she saw thick facial hair (sexy!), hipster glasses (hotness!) and then she saw him. It was him. No, no, no. Please, Merlin, not him.

"Parkinson? Is that you?"

"Potter," she mumbled, a cold feeling rushing down her spine. Her eyes were glued to him, and she stood frozen while he walked slowly toward her. The Gryffindor stood too close, looking down at her lips.

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you had to walk into mine, " Harry said in a soft voice.

"This is not your joint," she answered breathlessly, looking into the green eyes that examined her face intensely.

"I was trying to be suave, Pretty Lips."

Her skin rose in goosebumps

"Am I still Pretty Lips?"

"I don't know, are you? Are you the same witch I've been talking to? The one that is humble and sweet and caring?" Harry asked, leaning even closer.

"I am," she answered. "I have changed. A lot. I swear I am not the same stupid girl I was years ago. I've grown," Pansy said lifting her face until she could feel his warmth on her skin.

"What if I tell you that I have dreamed of taking those pretty lips and kiss them breathless?" asked the wizard.

"I would say I hope you plan to do just that."

He gave her a challenging look, shortening the distance even more.

"What if I say that you owe me, Parkinson?"

She angled her face slightly so their mouths would align.

"I would say take whatever you want."


	2. Chapter 2

A split second. A whole lifetime rolls in front of your eyes in the space of a split second. It took only one second for Harry to see who his date was. one second to remember their shared history. One second to see the difference between who she used to be and who she was now.

The memories of a whole adolescence. Of schoolyard rivalries. Of a mean girl who seemed to be everywhere for the first few years and then somehow blended into the background.

Things click in the space of a second. The real meaning of a conversation. That one conversation that happened weeks ago in the chatroom.

_Greeneyedwizard: why do you keep yourself hidden? By now we should have been on a few dates, but you always say no. If it is about the way you look I do not care about that. I care about you. _

_Poutylipswitch: is not that. It is that I do not deserve that kind of consideration. I have done terrible things. One terrible thing at least. _

_Greeneyedwizard: I'm listening._

_Poutylipswitch: I said something. _

_Greeneyedwizard: words can be hurtful. But they are just words. I'm sure is not something that cannot be changed._

_Poutylipswitch: My words could have got him killed. _

_Greeneyedwizard: did you put a hit on someone?_

_Poutylipswitch: NO! It is not like that. I would never do that. _

_Greeneyedwizard: what did you say then? What was so bad that you feel like you have to carry it for the rest of your life?_

The screen stayed quiet for a whole three minutes. Then the words appeared.

_Poutylipswitch: I said "he is right there. Somebody grab him." _

_Greeneyedwizard: and He was an innocent man?_

_Poutylipswitch: Yes. He was a hero. The bravest person I've ever known. A murderer was looking for him and I panicked. I thought the murderer would kill me. So I pointed. _

_Greeneyedwizard: happens more frequently than you think._

_Poutylipswitch: what do you mean?_

_Greeneyedwizard: people that find themselves in life-threatening situations frequently bargain with the attacker or forget about the loved ones that are with them at the moment. It sounds terrible but it is just survival. It is an instinct. And yes, it leaves deep scars on the survivors. _

The screen went blank again.

_Greeneyedwizard: are you there?_

_Poutylipswitch: I'm here. Sorry, I got emotional. _

_Greeneyedwizard: see? That's why you should go on a date with me. So I can be there for you. _

_Poutylipswitch: Merlin's beard, you are way too nice._

_Greeneyedwizard: No, I'm not. _

_Poutylipswitch: yes you are. And how do you know so much about what people do under threat?_

_Greeneyedwizard: it's my job._

_Poutylipswitch: Oh! A therapist?_

_Greeneyedwizard: not exactly._

_Poutylipswitch: alright. So what makes you say that you are not that nice?_

This time her screen went blank for a while

_Greeneyedwizard: I abandoned them._

_Poutylipswitch: abandoned who?_

_Greeneyedwizard: my friends, the girl that loved me, the in-laws that wanted to become my family. I left them all. _

_Poutylipswitch: why?_

_Greeneyedwizard: because I was miserable. Everybody kept saying "everything is alright now, you should be happy." But I wasn't happy. I felt used. I felt like everyone had a plan for me and expected me to just follow. So I run away. _

_Poutylipswitch: I understand. Running away I mean. Did it work for you?_

_Greeneyedwizard: yes and no. I felt relieved from not having to live up to anyone's expectations or plans. But it's been three years and I do not seem to have a plan of my own besides going to work every day. Or I didn't, until now. _

_Poutylipswitch: and what is the plan now?_

_Greeneyedwizard: to convince a sweet witch to go on a date with me. I can wait. Maybe I'll ask again in a couple of weeks. _

_Poutylipswitch: sounds like a plan. _

All of that rolled through Harry's mind in the space of a second. Then he absorbed the look in Pansy Parkinson's face. She was terrified. She was scared of him. She felt like he could hurt her. Physically hurt her. So he said what he had planned to say before knowing who she was.

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you had to walk into mine, " Harry said.

"This is not your joint," Pansy answered breathlessly, her doe eyes welled with tears.

"I was trying to be suave, Pretty Lips," he said, thinking how the nickname fit her very well indeed.

"Am I still Pretty Lips?" she asked.

"I don't know, are you? Are you the same witch I've been talking to? The one that is humble and sweet and caring?" Harry asked, knowing the answer already. Knowing that time was moving too slowly and that everything would fall back into place once he got to kiss her.

"I am," she answered. "I have changed. A lot. I swear I am not the same stupid girl I was years ago. I've grown."

"What if I tell you that I have dreamed of taking those pretty lips and kiss them breathless?" the wizard asked, noticing his own arousal.

"I would say I hope you plan to do just that."

He took one last small step until her breasts touched his chest. She looked vulnerable, and he liked it.

"What if I say that you owe me, Parkinson?"

She angled her face slightly so their mouths would align. She was dying to taste his mouth.

"I would say take whatever you want."


End file.
